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BOOKS
Coming September 5, 2026 — a book exploring how early experiences shape the way we love, attach, and respond in relationships.
IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME
A Memoir of Faith, Trauma, and the Long Journey Toward Understanding My Relationship Dance
What if the patterns shaping our relationships began long before we were old enough to recognize them?
In It's Not You, It's Me, Dr. Barbara Q. Tobias traces a remarkable journey from childhood trauma, foster homes, abandonment, and survival to faith, professional achievement, emotional understanding, and transformation.
With the insight of a clinical psychologist and the honesty of a woman willing to examine her own life, Dr. Tobias explores how early experiences become beliefs — and how those beliefs influence the ways we attach, protect ourselves, communicate, choose partners, and respond to love.
This is not simply a story about what happened. It is a story about the meanings we create from what happens — and the possibility of creating new meanings when the old ones no longer serve us.
Throughout the memoir, Dr. Tobias examines what she calls the "relationship dance": the familiar steps, rhythms, roles, and reactions we carry into our relationships, often without realizing that we learned them long ago.
This book invites readers to consider:
How did my early experiences shape what I believe about myself and others?
What relationship patterns do I continue to repeat?
Which behaviors once helped me survive but now keep me from growing?
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